Castrol signs on Cristiano Ronaldo

Any self-respecting marketer looking to bring in a famous personality to represent their brand to the great unwashed should bear in mind the two important rules of celeb endorsement.

Number one: always pretend that your consumer is intelligent and discerning by bringing in someone who is relevant to your product.

Bearing this in mind Castrol have played a blinder in bringing in Manchester United’s one-man team Cristiano Ronaldo, the man with thickest neck in football.

Yesterday the news was all over the wires that the 24-year-old Ronaldo has signed a two-year deal to represent Castrol as a “global ambassador” leading up to the World Cup in South Africa.

Exactly what he will be doing for the oil brand – famously known for its 80s oil dripping down the can ad – is a closely guarded secret. So it is with pride that Celebrity Sell Out can reveal what the Portugese international might (believed to be, mooting, and any other clarification you can think of) doing.

If you’re wondering what Castol has to do with a bloke who recently drove his car into a wall then look again. We’ve heard that this is part of Castol’s plans to extend out of the car market and use Thick Neck to illustrate the uses of motor oil.

A TV ad is being put together featuring a variety of vignettes of Ronaldo using the oil to make the ground more slippery an aid to diving, as a dietary supplement to keep you regular and finally as a men’s bathroom product. Yes, Castrol is going to be Ronaldo’s new oily hair gel.

Perfect, which brings us to rule number two.

Don’t use someone who is going to do something embarrass you.

Hmm… that could be a little more tricky. Castrol has many uses but we’re not sure it will help Ronaldo keep his budgie in his trousers. Let’s just hope the next time he’s in the papers for his swordsman exploits that the kiss-and-tell doesn’t mention he substituted Castrol for baby oil.